Student Union
- By Tara Cheng
Everything You Need to Know about Dating an American and Having the 'Relationship Talk'
Having lived in the U.S. for two years now, I have been experienced many firsts, but none of them compare to the first I experienced last week - my first Valentine’s Day. Well, the first Valentine’s Day I actually got to celebrate, anyway.
It is hard to believe that my first big day romance-wise happened in a country that I am not from and with a guy who is not Chinese. But I think it just made the whole thing fun, cool and memorable.
My friends were so surprised that at 24 years old I had never had a real Valentine’s Day, but I am pretty sure I am not alone (please LEAVE COMMENTS below if this year was also your first V-Day!).
Last Valentine’s Day, my friend told me not to be sad that I didn’t have anyone to celebrate with - when the time is right, it will exceed all your expectations. And he was right.
So let’s go back to talking about the big V-Day date, and chatting about some points that I think are interesting to share.
Having "the talk"
Before V-Day this year, my boyfriend and I had been dating for a couple of months, and we were right at the point of “defining the relationship.” We had a big, formal talk over dinner one night to discuss where we were in this relationship and where it should be going, and this talk basically determined if we would celebrate Valentine’s Day together.
Why do Americans have these big relationship talks?
Two American girls talk about their experiences having "the talk"
Well, there are so many types of relationships in the U.S.: dating, casual dating, relationship, open relationship (this one does not make any sense to me), serious relationship, etc. It’s easy to see how people could be confused about which stage they are and which stage their partners are.
Why V-Day is scary
Valentine’s Day creates pressure to sort out all this confusion, and also gives people an excuse to define their relationship with certainty. Both people have to agree if they are already in or want to move into a relationship, which determines whether they do the V-Day thing together.
I was listening to On Air with Ryan Seacrest a few days ago, and a girl called in crying, saying how disappointed she felt that the guy she was dating did not take her out for Valentine’s Day. The hosts said that this was normal - the guy and girl did not have the exclusivity talk to figure out where they were in the relationship, and obviously they were not on the same page. So she got hurt.
A couple of my American friends told me they would rather just be alone on V-Day, even though they are dating someone. Why? Because they are just not sure if they are ready to take the dating to another level, and they do not want to create a misunderstanding with their partner.
My own V-Day
In my case, both my date and I are very cautious and drama-free. We used this V-Day to make it official that we are only dating each other, and we got the chance to have beautiful V-Day date night at the beach.
In China, and I believe in other Asian countries as well, there is only ONE type of relationship. You are either boyfriend and girlfriend, or pure friends, so there is no chance to be confused. In other words, when it comes to V-Day, people either have it for sure, or don’t even think of it. No discussion needed.
Is this the case in your country? Let me know in the comments!
Here's an example of how frustrating defining the relationship can be :)
Overall, Americans are very very cautious on the dating scene. It can sometimes take a long time for a romantic relationship to develop into an official boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Sometimes that never happens at all. There are all kinds of different stages of relationships that foreigners need to be aware of, and some of them will always seem kind of ridiculous (like the open-relationship stuff, I am just never able to get it). But the key is that everything is talkable, and open communication is the key to navigating the relationship scene in a country that we are not originally from.
See all News Updates of the Day
- By VOA News
Paper: International students faced extra pandemic challenges
Astrobites, which describes itself as "a daily astrophysical literature journal written by graduate students in astronomy since 2010," focuses on the challenges international students faced during the COVID-19 pandemic.
It examines a paper published in the Journal of Comparative & International Higher Education entitled The Impact of the COVID-19 Pandemic on International Students in a Public University in the United States: Academic and Non-academic Challenges.
Read the Astrobites article here. (April 2024)
- By VOA News
15 cheapest US universities for international students
Yahoo!Finance has compiled a list of the 15 cheapest U.S. universities for international students.
Among them: Arizona State University, the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and Michigan State University.
Read the list here. (March 2024)
- By VOA News
Studying STEM? International students have funding options
US News & World Report takes a look at funding options for international students pursuing STEM degrees in the U.S.
The article explains the different kinds of scholarships and grants and offers tips on getting part-time jobs and private student loans. Read the full story here. (March 2024)
- By Robin Guess
US campuses are battlegrounds in free speech debate
This week the University of Southern California canceled the graduation speech of its senior class valedictorian at a time when there is a growing debate over the limits of free speech on American college campuses.
USC’s Asna Tabassum, a Muslim biomedical engineer major, was selected from among 100 outstanding students to address the graduating class of 2024 this May. However, the school withdrew the invitation for her to speak at the graduation ceremony citing safety concerns.
Tabassum denounced the decision, which she attributed to her public support for Palestinian human rights. She said it is part of “a campaign of hate meant to silence my voice.”
The school maintains it is a safety issue, not about free speech. School officials say they received an alarming number of violent threats after selecting her as speaker.
USC is one of many American universities that have struggled with policies over free speech and campus protest since October’s Hamas terrorist attack on Israel and the continuing fighting in Gaza. After weeks or months of on-campus protests and rallies, schools have been taking more forceful action to punish protesters who administrators say have become disruptive.
On Thursday at Columbia University in New York, police arrested more than 100 students who had gathered on campus for pro-Palestinian protests. The school’s dean wrote that the protesters had been told several times that they were violating university policies and would be suspended. The students say they were exercising their free speech rights.
At Washington’s American University, protests in all campus buildings have been banned by the school’s president since January. Under the new policy, students may not hold rallies, engage in silent protests or place posters in any campus building.
Protests and safety
University students have a long history of engaging in political activism. From the Vietnam War to abortion rights, universities have played a key role in American political debates.
However, students now say that schools like AU with a long-standing protest culture are silencing protesters with new rules.
Arusa Islam, American University student body president-elect and current vice president, says the policies are preventing an open discussion about U.S. foreign policy.
“Indoor protesting was never a problem, it was never an issue before October 7th,” Islam said. “Students were allowed to put up posters in buildings and students were allowed to have a silent protest.”
“And now we don’t have that right anymore,” she added. “We have been silenced and it is affecting us greatly.”
American University’s president, Sylvia Burwell, says the school’s new policies are intended to ensure that protests do not disrupt university activity.
Burwell also referred to recent events on campus that “made Jewish students feel unsafe and unwelcome.” She added, antisemitism is abhorrent, wrong, and will not be tolerated at American University.
While administrators insist that they are making narrow restrictions in the interests of providing an education, critics say the policies have a far-reaching effect.
At Cornell University, where new rules took effect in January, Claire Ting, the executive vice president of the Cornell Student Assembly, said the policies have had an unsettling effect on campus.
“The campus climate at Cornell has been tense surrounding free speech in recent times,” Ting emailed VOA.
Ting said that both students and faculty feel the policy has had chilling effects on free expression.
“Students report facing arbitrary, escalating punishment for violating the policy, with the policy itself lacking clear outlines for the consequences of civil disobedience,” she added.
In its new policy Cornell warns students that disciplinary action may be taken if protests impede people or traffic, damage school property or interfere with the school’s operations in any way.
In its campus-wide notice explaining the new guidelines, the school wrote that the new policy would ensure that expressive activity is allowed but must remain nonviolent.
The Foundation for Individual Rights in Education, also known as FIRE, has tracked free speech issues on American campuses.
FIRE and College Pulse have produced an annual survey, since 2022, ranking colleges based on their policies and what students say about the free speech climate on campus.
This year the group reported that “alarming” numbers of students say they self-censor or “find their administrations unclear” on free speech issues.
“College campuses have always been places where students have been unafraid to express themselves and with the recent Gaza conflict after the 10/7 attacks, it’s been very heated on both sides of this issue,” said Zach Greenberg, the senior program officer of FIRE.
Harvard ranked last in this year’s survey. FIRE said the school punished some professors and researchers over what they had said or written, and students reported a poor climate for free speech on campus.
The controversy came to Congress late last year, when Harvard’s president testified over complaints of widespread antisemitism.
“I don’t think you’d find many students on campus right now that would say we are the model for flourishing free speech and ideas exchange in the country,” said J. Sellers Hill, president of Harvard’s school newspaper The Harvard Crimson.
“But I think you’ve really seen that be acknowledged by administrators and it seems to be something they are dedicated to taking on.”
As the head of The Harvard Crimson, Hill manages the paper’s 350 editors and 90 reporters, who’ve covered, in detail, the ongoing free speech/protests controversy and the resignation of former President Claudine Gay following her testimony to Congress.
“I think no one would dispute Harvard has work to do and progress to make,” Hill said. “I think it’s a tough sell, for me, that Harvard is uniquely in its own league in terms of intolerance of speech. That doesn’t square with what I have seen on our college campus or on other college campuses around the country. I think Harvard is held to a higher standard.”
Proposed settlement offered over financial aid allegations
A group of U.S. colleges and universities have agreed to settle a lawsuit alleging deceptive financial aid tactics, according to a report published in The Hill.
The schools would pay $284 million to plaintiffs who were enrolled full-time and received financial aid between 2003 and 2024.
The schools have denied the allegations. (April 2024)
